god gave you style and gave you grace and put a smile upon your face

Okay I've got a couple of minutes to spare before I head for shower,
so I thought I would take the time to put in another blog.
First one in a while, better late then never though :)

sometimes i wish i can choose how i want my life to be.
how i could start a story with my happy ending.
how i wish i had the love from my own mother.
how i wish my dad wasnt in prison.
how i wish my siblings were here by my side.
how i can choose not to be attach to anyone
before i got married.
how i wish i chose the right friend.

but, to think about it,
we don't live in a world of reality,
we live in a world of perceptions.

regret is an essential component of happiness.
there's alot of things i regret in my life though.
from the school days til my working times.
from my family til my friends.

trust is a weakness that
will neva change in me.
i trusted to many people
that i collapsed in the end.
i find hard times searching for
true friends but they are
not worth being with.
so until then,
i trust no one.
i tried my best to
be the best for my past
but it all went wrong.
i put my family aside
just to be happier with
some other strangers.

i'm starting to wonder if
i should really look for
my mother.
i do not know where she is.
my dad always asked me
if i wana meet my mom.
its awkward.
i dont wana cry again
going through all these
and to realized that
i was born this way.
and again...
there's no point wasting tears!
i love my guardians.
they picked me up
when i needed love.
without them, i dont know
where on earth i will be.

Im a girl who likes my fair share
of love and affection.
Unfortunately I couldn't survive
any longer and had been feeling
the grips of depression, and
when I feel depressed, it's time
to make urgent changes, because
I can quite quickly become a
chunk of good-for-nothing depressed meat.
I just wana work and earn the money
to leave Singapore.
my life has been hectic and
I have been under pressure
when i start thinking of leaving
the family behind.
oh well,
life may not be easy,
yet it never gets too hard.
you open yourself up to sufferring
to people you love most.
Only those who dare to fail greatly
can never achieve fully.

Giving up is the easiest thing in the world to do
and i will neva give up to
the planned i've made for myself
and i hope almighty God
will fullfill my wishes.

i just dont know what i want in life...
but i guess i felt betta now after letting all these words out.

God is fair. He knew what he's doing.
All we have to do is smile and wait.

The precious humans

i missed blogging.

its gona breakfast soon.

im so tired today.

i help my mom on the cookies..

my first birthday wish!

thanks justin!

missing n thinkin of you...

one of the greatest friend ever met..

Ashikin Thamrin

one million words cant describe how it feels to know your love

this is how strong our love is...

hang out with khussaini til 8.30pm... sigh...

i met him at city hall and we went to vivo city

to chill...

before that, we went to bugis for lunch.

at raffles hospital's banquet.

i had chicken rice, he had carrot cake.

so back to vivo city.

we slacked there.

we sang.

we laughed.

we talked... crap.

duh whatelse...??

damn i've been rotting for months.

i cant take it anymore.

i fucken need a decent job.

oh God help me...!!!

i felt useless.

sigh...

khus,

fap fap fap!

lamo.

ciaoz!

famileee

hari raye... tahun bile pon aku tak tau!

i love boobies since i was young.

me bdae..

imma share a-lee-el some'in...

hell yeah! im a fire-fighter!

my hero(top left)

haiz. mcm paham.

awww sho shuweet.

this was really fun. i can still remember.



taj mahal singapore punye!

me...

thats my sister. she wanted a dog when she was younger.

imaginary pon jadi lah!

i love her so much. and i can see she really do too.

look at her face....

i love her

seluar stop it ehh tina!

my late granpa. i miss him.

cheyyy... madrasah sey.

in the train... as in "kereta-api"

those were my younger days..

i can still remember

every steps and every moves.

those who were gone.

plus those who's still here.

you are always in my heart.

i soooo wana rape your boobs.

im freaking bored at home.

i kept on repeating a song from Yuna.

she's sho cute.

i think i like her.

Is your favourite colour blue?

Do you always tell the truth?

Do you believe in outerspace?

And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?

Does your hair flow sideways?

Did someone took a portion of your heart?

And I'm learning you

And if you don't mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

And everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you

And in time you will too

If you don't mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

And everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

If you don't mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

And everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

4x

Deeper Conversation

Let me

iCook

today's my angry mom's birthday.

i woke up at bout 11.30pm.

i talked to Khus.

he said he's in e lock up...

and it reminded me of this song:

They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (im locked up)

They won't let me out no, they wont let me out, (im locked up)

They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (im locked up)

They won't let me out no, they won't let me out~~~

and so...

i promised my little sister

that imma go fetch her after school.

I WAS LATE!

she told me to meet her at 2.30pm.

2.20pm, im still at home busy drying my hair

and chatting with friends.

then i took a cab from my block.

4 bucks. thats hella cheap.

i saw her sitting at the bustop

infront of her school.

and so, i hold her hand and

walked to another bustop.

heading Jurong Point.
we bought a birthday cake for mom from Prima Deli.

and when i reached home,

iCook.

i made my special Seafood Aglio Olio... haiz mcm paham.

and so....

i was bored.

this was what i did.

after all the hard work..

this is what i get!

tadaaaa.....

the cake we bought for her.

oh well...

eventhough she made me stayed outside

til dawn,

i still love her as much as i love my life.

she took care of me since young.

those days i needed care and love from a mother.

those days where i've had nowhere to go.

she was by my side since i was 6 months old.

when my dad was imprisoned,

when my mom neva i had seen.

she tolerated all my nonsence,

since young.

mama,

you dont know...

deep in my heart,

i've always wanted to

hold you tight in my arms.

kiss you

and even

lay my head on your lap.

but... you so garanggg...

no wonder baba takot you.

Semoga Allah Panjangkan Usiamu

Rohani Bte Hassan (51)

15th July 1958

and Khussaini,

no matter what's going to happen,

i'll always be by your side.

public transport pon public transport lah..

nothing much..

i love khussaini more then you could ever imagine

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............ nie khussaini punye kerje ah!

i went out with khus today.

was pretty hot day.

but we had fun.

went down to esplanade.

i tapao kway teow goreng kurang.....

eh eh salah. kerang!

he finished it all.

sigh.. ya as per normal.

he and his selfishness.

hehe kidding.

we bought J.Co donuts.

he ate 1

i ate 3

okay aku gemok. nvmd.

we met ayu for awhile.

ayu.. cute... ily.

i wana bite u.

till ur skin tears apart.

alif, jgn marah haaaaa...

i went home at 8.30pm.

damn early.

my mom,

wasnt happy with me still.

da la kene dok luar sampai 6pagi!

ish.

jahat!

so when i reached home,

everything was fine.

i miss my sis.

i miss my bed.

my brother,

still a jerk!

always grabbed my spot(my bed).

sigh.. oh well.

im tired. i wana rest...

i love u Khus...

but i love Allah more...

Good Night~~~~